Questions to ask a potential husband before nikah
Choosing a husband is one of the most important decisions you will make. These questions help you understand a man's values, goals and character in a respectful, purposeful way. Ask them with your wali or a family member involved, and keep conversations within Islamic etiquette.
Deen and values
- How do you practise your faith day to day, and how would you like it to look in our home?
- How do you pray, and do you attend the masjid?
- What do you want from a marriage in terms of faith growth?
- How do you feel about hijab, and about me continuing to learn and grow in deen?
- Which scholars or sources of knowledge do you follow?
Family and living arrangements
- What is your relationship like with your parents and siblings?
- Where would we live? How would you feel about living with or near extended family?
- How involved do you expect your family to be in our decisions?
- How do you handle disagreement with family?
Work, money and responsibility
- What is your work, and how stable is it?
- What is your approach to money, saving and debt?
- Do you have any financial commitments I should know about, such as debts or supporting family?
- How do you see the financial roles in marriage? What do you expect from me, and what will you provide?
- How do you feel about me working, studying or building a career?
Children and the future
- Do you want children, and how many? When?
- How would you share childcare and the home?
- What are your hopes for the next five and ten years?
- Where do you see us living long term?
Character and conflict
- How do you deal with anger and stress?
- How do you resolve disagreements? Can you apologise?
- How do you treat people who cannot do anything for you?
- Is there anything in your past or health I should know about?
Red flags to take seriously
- He avoids direct questions or answers change from one conversation to the next.
- He pressures you to move quickly, move to private chat or avoid your family.
- He speaks disrespectfully of women, his ex or his mother.
- He refuses to involve a wali or your family.
- He asks for money, or is vague about his job and circumstances.
Compare answers with what family and friends say. See red flags on marriage apps. Zawaj is a Muslim marriage app built around nikah, with written proposals instead of swiping and a Chaperone/Wali feature so family can be involved. It is free to join on iOS and Android.
Frequently asked questions
What should I ask a potential husband?
Focus on deen, family, work and money, children, and how he handles conflict. Listen to how he answers, not only what he says.
How many questions should I ask at once?
Spread them across several conversations. Overloading the first chat can feel like an interrogation.
Should my wali be there?
Many families prefer it, and it is a good protection. Some questions may be better asked with a family member present or through them.
Is it okay to ask about his past?
It is reasonable to ask about anything that affects the marriage, such as health, debts or previous marriages. Be sensitive and do not pry into what Islam encourages concealing.
Keep reading
More reading: questions to ask before nikah, questions to ask a potential wife and signs he is serious about marriage.